By Alice Austin
Most people will never have the luxury of living alone because it’s expensive and/or you’ll be in a relationship most of your life, so I’ve taken the liberty of sharing my top 5 favourite things about living by myself, so if the relationship doesn’t work out and you end up in a bedsit like in that really bad (good) film Under The Tuscan Sun, you’ll know what to expect.
It took me a while but I narrowed it down to five things.
- You can pee with the door open 100% of the time
This can lead to complications in the work place if you get too used to this and forget to shut the door outside of your home.
- Nothing about being at home is irritating
There is zero chance of being irritated by anything in any way while you are at home. Zero percent chance. No one will eat the last slice of pizza. No one will leave their hair spider balls in the shower. No one will ask me to clean the bathroom and then when I say I already have cleaned the bathroom they won’t say ‘tell me you’re joking’ and put their head in their hands like they just lost their entire family.
- I made a joke in my head the other day and I laughed out loud for a good few minutes
There is no one around to judge you for guffawing at your own jokes in your own head about being constipated
- No unimaginatively named passive aggressive house WhatsApp group chats
Don’t get me wrong, I mostly do my washing on Sunday’s because I’m not an animal, but if I feel like putting a wash on early on Saturday morning I absolutely can with no WhatsApp notifications to let me know I’m a bell end.
- There are some things that should be kept in the fridge
It’s nice to be able to put my bananas in the fridge without having to have a conversation about it every time someone opens it. Also nice to have my eggs in there. And ketchup.