I can watch TV, as long as I also watch the piles of boxes on the floor overflowing with newspapers dated the same year I wore the baby clothes next to them.

You avoid ice cream for ten days because you’re really trying to feel better but one post from your ex and its pizza for dinner again.

This will either be a weird story, or the absolute worst moment of my life.

But their RA page doesn’t mention how many night’s sleep they lost that year or how many grams they ingested per gig or the last time they played a show sober.

I lifted a chair about a centimetre off the floor, in the spot which I imagine is directly above her bed, and I let go.

I might not be top of the league tables when it comes to not adding beans. But I can wash bowls and plates at an above-average rate!

A dickhead and egg situation.

The beer’s served in oversized catheters and all the food’s shaped like poo.

I wonder why all the people who have never misgendered me are sorry about it and all the people who have don’t seem remotely apologetic.

If there’s one thing Love, Actually forgot to cover, it’s fuckbois.

I lived in a theatre commune for the last two years of my young adult life. We produced political work and lived as a community in an industrial suburb in Northern Europe.