He enters my life like a spirit in the night. Some people cause a tsunami. Samuel makes barely a ripple.

I wondered when I stopped enjoying all the things I used to love.

I’m just mesmerized by that hole he’s trying to fill; intrigued by where that colossal emptiness comes from.

For some reason I let him read a story I’ve only just finished. One that I wasn’t planning to show anyone.

Phnom Penh gives zero fucks about hygiene or roofs and to that I say yes, okay, good. Keep on stirring that floor-curry, b.

I wonder if these men are okay with that; with being reduced to a jizz-phantom, a sperm-spectre, a fuck-ghost.

I’ll have a new life here. Everything will be different. New job, new friends, new city, no dad.

About me, if I’m being honest.

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I’ve been a big drinker ever since I was old enough to lurk outside corner shops asking older kids to buy me booze. I got wasted for the first time in a graveyard. I was 14 years old and passed out on the grass. The gardener on his lawnmower had to work around me.

Ghosting, breadcrumbing, haunting, kitten-fishing. I’ve experienced them.